Bad Weather, Traffic, and Hope

I'm on my way back to Familyland. Currently, I'm staying at my friend's house- but my friend is 365 miles away at college. One more day till I see her, and about 25 other people I miss like crazy. Anyway, the G-family is amazing. They are letting me stay with them for a weekend conference at Catholic Familyland. I know the name sounds cheesy and lame, but it is my favorite place on earth. It is like a second home.
On the drive here I realized just how much I need the spiritual renewal of this weekend. I'll admit, this summer I've been more on track spiritually than the past 18 months or so. Still, I prayed more in that 2 1/2 hour drive than I usually do in a week! Why is it that traffic and bad weather bring me to my knees faster than emotional stress or other worries about life?
Oh yeah, I decided that I should name my car while we were stuck in traffic together. I'm calling her Hope.

Bountiful Blessings

Yesterday, someone reminded me things could always be worse. It has gotten me thinking about all the blessings I have in my life. Its been a rough couple of months for em, but I'm still aware of how many blessings I have.
#1 The cool weather is back! (Just a note: these are in the order I think of them, not the order of importance.)
#2 My little brother and I have started having conversations. Its mostly just me talking, and only when I am driving him somewhere, but for us this is huge!
#3 Computers, with most of my friends scattered across the county- and even overseas my computer is a lifeline.
#4 My sister is talking to me. Growing up we didn't usually get along, but since I've come home from college things are working out.
#5 My recent bad experiences- in college, with friends, breaking-up, and with my first "real job" have given me a lot of perspective. Any decision, no matter how big can be changed later. It is reassuring to know that.
#6 Gilmore Girls. This seems completely frivolous, but this TV show is making me laugh and chasing away any clouds that come my way.
#7 I never go hungry.
#8 My church is great and I love the family I have there. It is really wonderful to have a place where you are welcomed and missed when you leave town. (besides home, of course)
#9 My brother Nicholas who is always there when I need him.
#10 My mom. She listens to everything I say no matter how crazy and supports all my decisions, even when she doesn't agree with them.
#11 My friends. I know some really amazingly talented and wonderful people. I can't wait to see what they will accomplish in the future.
#12 My car. It gives me a lot of freedom to explore and gives me perspective on the world.
#13 Books. Books are wonderful tickets into other worlds. Since I started reading "Fahrenheit 451" I have gained a new appreciation for them.

And last, but definitely not least...
#14 My faith. Knowing that God has a detailed plan for my life, better than anything I can come up with gives me hope for my future.

Pax Christi!

Padre Pio, Pray for Us!

On the feast of St. Padre Pio, I thought I'd post a few quotes from this great saint that I particularly like.

"Pray, hope, and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer."

"The longer the trial to which God subjects you, the greater the goodness in comforting you during the time of the trial and in the exaltation after the combat. "

"Keep close to the Catholic Church at all times, for the Church alone can give you true peace, since she alone possesses Jesus, the true Prince of Peace, in the Blessed Sacrament."

"The proof of love is to suffer for the one you love"

"You must speak to Jesus also with the heart, besides with the lips; indeed, in certain cases you must speak to Him only with the heart. "

"At times Our Lord makes you feel the burden of the Cross. This burden seems intolerable to you. But as for you, carry it because the Lord extends His hand and gives you strength."

"The time spent for the glory of God and the salvation of souls is never spent badly."

"Walk in the way of the Lord with simplicity and do not torment your spirit. You must hate your defects, but with a quiet hate, not troublesome and restless."

A Spark of Hope

All it takes is a moment, a flicker of hope to disperse the clouds that hang around me. I recently heard a priest say, "When one spark enters a black hole, it [the black hole] ceases to exist." Despair is a seemingly infinite abcess, but the same theory holds true.
"Hope does not disappoint."
Tonight in adoration, I came across this line. (I love Romans, it is by far my favorite book of the Bible.) It was perfect. God chose that moment to speak to me through the words of St. Paul. He let me know that I shouldn't give up. Hope might be all I have some days, but it is enough. And when I start to lose hope, there is always something that He uses to inspire me again.
My thoughts drifted to one of my current odd jobs. I am teaching a beautiful girl, Maricruz to read. Her mother tried to abort her before she was born. As a result, this 21 year old is in a wheelchair, legally blind, and diagnosed autistic. Today it took her an hour to struggle through a short story about Frog and Toad. When I'm working with her though, all I see is the joy. She is thrilled to have me there, to be learning, no matter how hard it is. In adoration it came to me, if Maricruz can learn to read, despite all her handicaps, surely I can survive what life has thrown at me.
And so I continue on, with a spark of hope to light the way.

Beautiful Nights

Sometimes the night was beautiful
Sometimes the sky was so far away
Sometimes it seemed to stoop so close
You could touch it but your heart would break

Tonight is a night just like that. It feels like the distance between heaven and earth has been eliminated. God is reaching out His hands to me. But I'm already so overwhelmed with His Love I think I would explode if I received anymore. I don't know what brings on moments like this. I just treasure them while they last.

Now is the time, You are the one.

Is there a person who by their words and actions introduced you to God or brought you deeper into your faith? I've been blessed with many people who have done this for me. Some of their words still encourage me today.

Women, You are the image of the Church.

You are Christ's light to the world.

You are unique, wonderful, and amazing. Anthing else you're told is a lie.

Now is the time, You are the one.

Why am I telling you this? As I've been thinking about what I want to do with my life these people have come to mind: my youth minister, inspirational speakers, friends, numerous priests, religious sisters, and many others. These people have changed who I am, how I view God, and how I live my faith. I want to be a person like that, a person who brings others closer to God. I don't know how, I don't know what role I'll play. But I know this: Now is the time, I am the one.

The Future

"The future is not in our hands. We have no power over it. We can act only today. We have a sentence in our Constitution that says: ‘We will allow the good God to make plans for the future – for yesterday has gone, tomorrow has not yet come and we have only today to make Him known, loved and served.’ So we do not worry about the future."
~Mother Teresa

What do you want to do?

I finally did it! I talked to a sister about my interest in religious life. Now I'm really wondering what was scaring me in the first place...

I'll admit I was shocked when I walked into the parlor and saw the wall with only windows into the convent. (See picture here https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzRD3ELA9inJpP7iKfdPX1O2FrSxqSKSNbJGRXWsXlkNrDpX2PIdt3ORq8qPZJRmr0zUx83b-VrVZHg3fz-lsEsSD4l1WwAonnbbfWVdreu6hE8LvJgY-NKiL2u_CZGilK8BRQ5o4_g1c/s1600/IMG_1075.JPG ) At least there wasn't a grille! I think that would have sent me running!

I've always known sisters were normal people, but it really sunk in today that their lives are "normal" too. Sister Mary Catherine talked about the other women in her community- Sister So-and-So loves to garden, Sister What's-her-name is going to destroy her habits playing sports before she professes vows, Sister Who-is-that wrote to the community for 12 years before entering. There is so much more that she told me...advice on discernment, explanations of their life, stories of the novices and aspirants they've had through the years. I'm still trying to process it all. One question she asked near the beginning of our talk rally left me fumbling for an answer though.

What do you want to do?

I really hadn't thought about that. So I'm off to pray and ponder...
Pax Christi!

What to wear....

I am going to visit a convent next week. At the moment my most pressing concern is what to wear. However this is a big step and I'm sure a bunch of other concerns will soon start to overwhelm me.

The community is the Dominicans in Summit, NJ. Here is a link to their blog:

Anyway the point of this post is to ask for prayers as I continue with my discernment process. Peace!

One Song

My taste in music differs according to my mood. This is the only song that I will currently listen to in any mood. I never thought of it as referring to anyone but God until I heard it on the TV show "Smallville".

Everything by Lifehouse

Find me here. And speak to me.
I want to feel You, I need to hear You
You are the light, that's leading me
To the place where I find peace, again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the life, to my soul.
You are my purpose, You're everything.

And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and You give me rest.
You hold me in Your hands, You won't let me fall.
You still my heart, and You take my breath away.
Would You take me in? Take me deeper now?

And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want, You're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, You're all I need.
You're everything, everything.

And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me how could it be any better, any better than this?

And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

New URL, Same Blog

Unfortunately, something happened. I am no longer updating my old blog
http://micole-insearchofpeace.blogspot.com The URL for this blog is similar: http://insearchofpeace-micole.blogspot.com Also I will be adding my old posts to this blog.
Anyway, I hope this isn't too confusing and that I won't have to change spots again. :)