Dear Brothers and Sisters

Brothers and sisters: We always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of His calling and powerfully bring to fulfillment every good purpose and every effort of faith, that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in Him, in accord with the grace of our God and Lord Jesus Christ.

This greeting from St. Paul to the followers of Christ in Thessalonica is similar to those found in many of his letters. Every time I hear one of these readings, certain people come to mind. First are my Service Corps family. [For any of you who don't know what service corps is its a group of highschool volunteers at a Catholic family camp. It was the best experience of my life.] Then I am flooded with thoughts of all the friends I've made at Catholic Familyland. The greetings, prayer requests, encouraging words, and grateful thank yous St. Paul extends to his disciples are similar to the messages I see every day on Facebook exchanged among these friends.

Though these are some of my best friends, I see them only once a year or so. St. Paul was not always able to visit the communities when he wanted. "For I long to see you...I often planned to come to you, though I was prevented until now." Romans 11-13

When trials arise in my life, the first people I ask for prayers are my CFL friends. "Finally, brothers, pray for us, so that the word of the Lord may speed forward and be glorified, as it did among you, and that we may be delivered from perverse and wicked people, for not all have faith." 2 Thessalonians 3:1-2

I thank God for the inspiration, encouragement, and shining examples I see in these people. St. Paul wrote: "First, I give thanks to my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is heralded throughout the world." Romans 1:8
"Therefore, I, too, hearing of your faith in the Lord Jesus and of your love for all the holy ones, do not cease giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers." Ephesians 1:16

I often think and pray for these people, knowing that together in faith we can truly make a difference in our world. "We do not cease praying for you and asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding to live in a manner worthy of the Lord, so as to be fully pleasing." Colossians 1:9-10

I have offered encouragement to them, as they have to me on many occasions. To Timothy Paul said: "Let no one have contempt for your youth, but set an example for those who believe , in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity."1 Timothy 3:12 "I remind you to stir into flame the gift of God that you have through the imposition of my hands." 2 Timothy 1:6

I've often wondered what it would have been like to live when the Church was young. To know the Apostles and the other great saints of that time. To have received a letter from Paul. To have witnessed one of Jesus' miracles or at least heard an eye-witness account. To have that small, deeply faithful community to depend on. As I skimmed the letters and thought of examples from my life for this post, it dawned on me. The Church St. Paul knew and the Church I follow are one and the same. Through Catholic Familyland, I even have the same type of community. Our challenges might have changed a bit, as has the technology. But I don't need to go back in time to meet saints. I'm friends with some amazingly, holy people now. So, dear brothers and sisters in Christ, thank you for being today's disciples and future saints.

I love Clarisse McClellan

I wrote a speech almost a year ago in which I cited Fahrenheit 451. Now I have actually read the book- it is amazing! I went out and bought it just so I could mark all the quotes and passages I like. I hate writing synopsi so I'm just going to share my favorite lines and the insights I got from the story.

How like a mirror, too, her face. Impossible; for how many people did you know who refracted your own light to you? People were more often-he searched for a simile, found one in his work- torches, blazing away until they whiffed out. How rarely did other people's faces take of you and throw back to you your own expression, your own innermost trembling thought?

I really thought about the people I know, trying to answer the question. I can think of a few who remind me of torches. I've never met one who reflected to me my own image though. But among my friends there are many who reflect His image, which is even better.

Well, after all, this is the age of the disposable tissue. Blow your nose on a person, wad them, flush them away, reach for another, blow, wad, flush.

I like this line because it reminds me of an analogy used by Fr. Jonathan Meyer in his talk on Theology of the Body. In explaining the world's idea of love Fr. Meyer used his analogy of "pizza love": It looks good, it smells good, it tastes good, take a bite, devour, repeat. But this quote applies to society as a whole. As I thought about it, there is little that is permanent is society- not values, morals, people, laws, truth. How scary must it be for people who embrace our current culture?

I'm antisocial, they say. I don't mix. It's so strange. I'm very social indeed. It all depends on what you mean by social, doesn't it? Social to me means talking to you about things like this.

I was homeschooled and grew up with practically every adult I met asking about "socialization," I like her response. Socialization to me means being able to talk and spend time with anyone. Not just those of my own age.

I'm afraid of children my own age. They kill each other. Did it always use to be that way?

While I was in highschool I was kept current on school happenings through our youth group. In the four years, many highschooolers died. Some committed suicide, others were killed in car-accidents, usually due to recklessness or drinking. There were bomb threats routinely one year. I remember being so grateful each time that I wasn't in public school. But the idea of children killing children also made me think of the girls having abortions- many so young they are practically children themselves.

Let you alone! That's all very well, but how can I leave myself alone? We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?

This to me is a great answer to why God lets evil things (ie 9/11, Katrina, Tsunami) happen. We need to be shaken up, to be bothered once in a while. Events like this remind us of what is truly important.

The home environment can undo a lot you try to do at school. That's why we've lowered the kindergarten age year after year until now we're almost snatching them from the cradle.

Schools can be used for indoctrination purposes. Which is why parents need to be involved in their kids lives, to know and care about what is going on.

That's the good part of dying; when you've nothing to lose, you run any risk you want.

This is just a cool quote. I didn't put much thought into it's selection.

He hadn't known fire could look this way. He had never thought in his life that it could give as well as take.

Everything in the world has multiple sides, almost. We get stuck looking at things from our perspective, thinking we are right. Do we ever stop to look at it from the opposite side?
The futuristic society portrayed in the story really made me think about the world we live in. It has changed so much from my parents' generation, mostly for the worse. The passages in the book about tolerance, school indoctrination, media indoctrination, disposable era are all just a few steps down the path we are already on. It is a sobering thought, but I have just one more quote to share.

But that's the wonderful thing about man; he never gets so discouraged or disgusted that he gives up doing it all over again, because he knows very well it is important and worth the doing.

451

451 degrees is the temperature at which paper burns...or something like that. I just finished reading Fahrenheit 451 last night. Amazing book! I must have 30 flagged quotes in there that I found insightful. I'd post about it now, but I've had a long day and am too lazy to get up. Just thought I'd mention that Fahrenheit 451 is an amazing book.

Pax Christi!

Rambling Roads

These months off of school are dragging out...as I see my friends' posts about classes and college life I long to get back to that busy, late night schedule. It hasn't been a emotionally relaxing break. I've been through a lot recently and needed the time to think things out and deal with some baggage. Now though, I'm restless and ready for whatever lies ahead.
I wonder why things didn't work out last year. I really felt I was called to go to that particular school. I went with two of my best friends so I had support. The expensive tuition did not cause a problem. At the beginning of the first semester I loved everything. But to use the words of a speaker I heard recently, you need to plant yourself where you bear fruit 100 fold. That was not the best place for me to grow socially, spiritually or academically.
I've seen a friend's journey to college work the opposite way. She was adamantly against going to my school. She is a stellar student, should have been accepted anywhere she wanted to go. But for some reason door after door shut on her. Guess where she ended up? At my school. From everything I've heard, it is working out well.
Sometimes are lives seems to be filled with so many twists and turns, mistakes and ruts. God however sees the big picture. We see a rambling road, going aimlessly. He sees the intersections with other roads, the scenery we pass, and the perfect view from above. So while I'm impatient for what is around the next bend, I know these moments are just as important to Him. So I'll continue to work on bearing fruit here.

Pax Christi!

Second Chances

Did you ever have a situation get so out of hand that you wished you could start over? Not just be forgiven, but go back in time, permanently undo the wrongs. I know I have. Most of these mistakes happened months ago. I've replayed what I could have done differently, what I would do if I lived those moments again. I caused pain to people I love.
On the flip side, have you ever tried to forgive and forget someone else after being hurt, rejected, forgotten, or abused by someone you trusted? It is impossible to forget, I've tried. You can forgive and move on, but there is a shadow of a doubt, a blight on their name.
As I was thinking about these situations in my own life, situations in which I wish I had a second chance or could extend one, it came to me. I've been given countless "second" chances already. Jesus died on the cross for me- paying the debt for my sins. He adopted me into His family, giving me a "second chance" at a life of grace. Then each time I fell from that grace, He welcomed be back again through confession- wiping the slate clean again. This is an amazing gift I've taken for granted most of my life.
So maybe I will never be able to start over again with every friend I have hurt. But my best friend understands and will be there no matter what.

Pax Christi!

Unknowns

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

I love this quote by St. Teresa of Avila, especially at this point in my life. The future is filled with unknowns. I don't even know what college I'll be attending three months from now, let alone what comes next. I have a few hopes and dreams, but have little certainty that they will ever become reality. Personally, I find this void frightening. I like knowing what is ahead, I like having things planned out. But I know God's plan is better than anything I can imagine.

Brown Day and Brown Crayon

My pen broke, so I'm writing in crayon. This has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of my post, just thought I would share.
This morning I found a Dr. Seuss book I've never read before. Its called "My Many Colored Days." Basically, each day is "colored" by an emotion. No matter what color day it is though, the idea is I am always me.
I really like the story, simple as it is. Spiritually, I have many colored days. Some are gray- I have to force myself to rattle off the Hail Mary's for a decade or two before my mind wanders. On red days I'm on fire with love, I would do anything for Him in a heartbeat. When I feel eternally happy and grateful, like I'm about to burst- that is yellow. Brown days are those when praying is as comfortable and natural as talking to an old friend.
But it really doesn't matter what kind of day I'm having...so long as I continue praying.

Pax Christi!

Not a Perfect Person

Good song. And it is very true, I'm not a perfect person. Just thought I'd say that.

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Forgiven, not Forgotten

I never thought I'd get to this point. It is the best feeling to have made it! I can look back, and not just see the pain. Looking at pictures no longer brings back the anger and regret. Instead I can appreciate what I had with all the people who have hurt me while it lasted. I miss those relationships and the good times, but it doesn't hurt anymore. Amazing!
What did I do to get here? I learned what forgiveness means. Fr. Hugh Gillespie explained it at Totus Tuus last weekend. I'll try to repeat it here...
Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. It doesn't mean pretending you weren't hurt. You have to acknowledge what happened and admit that it did hurt. Then you resolve not to continue victimizing yourself and holding it against the other person.
I'm still not in touch with most of the people I've forgiven for various reasons, but I don't have to be. I've done my part and it feels heavenly!

Pax Christi!

Experiences

"To reach something good it is very useful to have gone astray, and thus acquire experience."
~Saint Teresa of Avila

I love this quote. It reminds me that my screw-ups, no matter how much they haunt me, do not shape my future. They are part of my past experiences, they give me perspective. But in the future I will do better.


Pax Christi!

Made for More

[God has placed you in this world] solely to show forth His goodness in you, giving you His grace and His glory. And to that end He has given you an understanding to know Him, a memory to be mindful of Him, a will to love Him, an imagination to represent yourself to His benefits, eyes to behold His wondrous works, a tongue to praise Him, etc.

-Introduction to the Devout Life, by St. Francis DeSales

If that is what our faculties are made for, why would we want to use them for anything else? We are made for so much more than this mediocre life we are living.

Pax Christi!

Friends

I went to adoration tonight. My first thought was, "You're still here." Kinda weird, of course He would be there. But I just saw most of my friends for the weekend. They all live over an hour away...most several hours. Jesus was there, so for some reason I felt like He should be gone too. But my Best Friend is always near. For that I am so thankful!

Pax Christi!

I've never met a white person...

I'm still trying to process everything that happened this weekend. There were so many memorable moments, some hilarious, others touching or inspiring. I'm just going to list some of my favorites here.

"I've never met a white person. This is white *points to paper* I don't see any white people"

~Cardinal Arinze, funniest man ever!

"When you plant yourself in the right place, in the right way, happiness and fulfillment will come."

~Fr. Hugh Gillespie, SMM
The car ride home with my adopted family. Shortest 6 hour car ride of my life!
Passing notes during talks...
Deacon Randy, giving me a blessing with a P.S. message to God
Adoration- see my last post
Chris Padgett's rant against Twilight

"Bella is crazy! She needs serious counseling!"

Climbing ten commandment hill, again.
Hiding from the rain in Redeemer Hall, having deep theological talks late at night.

Over the weekend I realized how blessed I am with, first of all, a wonderful family. Secondly, an amazing second family in my 9 Service Corps friends (and their families!) And then on top of that I have so many other friends who share my faith and are so encouraging and inspiring. If I have been given this much, how can I not share it?

Pax Christi!

Totally Yours

Totus Tuus.
Totally Yours.
This weekend retreat was truly and experience for me of how great it is to belong totally to God. He is so amazing!
Adoration led to a much needed conversation with God. As the Eucharist was exposed, a hundred voices worshiped our Lord with songs of praise. I really prayed the words and soon tears were streaming down my face. They were desperately needed tears. At last I talked to Him about all the worries and hurts that have been weighing me down. I gave Him my broken and bruised heart, truly contrite for what I did to get it in that state. He heard me and caught every tear. That was enough.
But I wanted more. I felt alone, though I knew my Best Friend was enough. God is so good, that He gave me what I wanted as well. A friend of mine turned from her own prayers to give me a hug. "You are beautiful," she whispered in my ear. My words changed to ones of thanksgiving and praise, but God was not done. A few minutes later a second friend came to my side and asked if she could pray for me. I was overwhelmed with God's love for me.
If this is what it means to be totally His, to trust Him with my concerns and future and be given more than I need, I'll do that. Totus Tuus.

Pax Christi!