My Journey

I doubt anything I write tonight will make any sense at all. This is the result of a cup of coffee at 8:30pm, but since I'm up and thoughts are flooding through my mind, here it goes.
Do you ever wonder what made you the person you are right now? I do. I'm responsible, mature, fervently Catholic, outwardly optimistic, inwardly a worrier, some weird mix between an introvert and an extrovert. I love children, the number 5, purple, singing, a good book, crisp & cool autumn days, brown eyed susans, late nights, the ocean, road trips, hard work... I enjoy moving fast, but hate running. I cry every December 6th. I have no big aspirations for my future (besides going to heaven). Seeing people mad at each other for long periods of time breaks my heart; I have never managed to be mad at anyone for more than a few days (I've tried). All of these things are me. But why?
Some of the aforementioned traits are recent. For instance, I have only enjoyed road trips for the past year or so. Other preferences, like mine for the color purple, have lasted 16 years. Every event, every soccer game, every field trip and talk with friends impacted who I am today. My father's death when I was 10 and being raised in a large family made me mature and responsible. I inherited the worrying, but the optimism is a coping mechanism I picked up to deal with life.
Anyway, all of these things, these little talents and quirks are part of God's plan for me. I firmly believe at some point in time these idiosyncrasies will help me in my vocation, doing God's will. Just like in the movie "Signs" how the little girl's OCD about water and her brother's asthma save the day? But for this to be true, every moment of my life, the nights I couldn't sleep, the days nothing went right, the trials and the joys- every detail God worked into his plan for me. As St. Teresa of Avila said, "The feeling remains that God is on the journey too." And that thought can bring peace even during the most confusing parts of life. For God is on the journey too.

Beautiful Soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me.

What girl isn't waiting for a man who will say this? As I listened to this song today I longed for this kind of love.

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I want to chase
You're the one I want to hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Isn't this what my Prince Charming will do? Come into my life, see my true internal beauty and pursue me? But the phrase "beautiful soul" sent my ADD mind from these thoughts down a random path. I realized I don't need to waste time longing for this love. I already have it. There is a man in my life who says these words to me everyday. God sees the beauty and potential in me. He is pursuing me, asking for my love in return.

You might need time to think it over,
But I'm just fine moving forward

Jesus wants to be the number one guy in my life, He wants to have a close relationship with me. So whenever I start wishing I wasn't single, I'll remember only One can see the depths of my beautiful soul.

Back on Track

I have a confession to make: I've gotten off track. The past three months have been full of changes and challenges. I have neglected to truly live my life and fight the fight of faith. No more. I'm wasting precious time, as God has pointed out to me through several people.
Here are my goals for the next four months (until I start school again):
- Help out at home
- Visit one convent each month (I already have plans for September. I was in touch with more convents, but found that I mixed up the charisms and names of the communities.)
- Go to daily Mass at least twice a week (I am blessed with several opportunities each day.)
- Go to confession once a month (Finally I'll have a job that allows me to go on a Saturday afternoon.)
- Visit colleges and make my decision
- Volunteer at church and in my community
- Be active in my parish's young adult group
I ask all of you reading this for prayers as I get back to running this race, truly living my life for Christ each day. I'll be posting many entries I've written in the near future.