Six Impossible Things

"I try to believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast. Count them, Alice. One, there are drinks that make you shrink. Two, there are foods that make you grow. Three, animals can talk. Four, cats can disappear. Five, there is a place called Underland. Six, I can slay the Jabberwocky."

Besides the rabbit, this picture reminds me of St. Joan of Arc.

One, the wine I drink at Mass is the blood of my Savior who died for love of me. Two, the bread that I receive at mass is no longer bread but Jesus, my spiritual nourishment for my journey through this world. Three, I can talk to the saints (which include all who have died and are in heaven). Four, there is an invisible spiritual battle going on all around us. Five, there are two places outside this world, Heaven and Hell. Six, by following God's plan for me I can live forever in Heaven.

Pax Christi!

Absolutely Alice

Last night I watched the "new" Alice in Wonderland. It was weird, definitely, but it made me think, which is a sign of a good movie. It took me a long time to figure out that it was more of a sequel to the original than a remake. But anyway, this post is not meant to be a review of the movie, but more of my insights from watching it.

I love the line that Charles Kingsly tells Alice and Alice shares with the Mad Hatter: "I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are." As Catholics, we are called to live our lives in a way that makes no sense to those who do not know Christ. Some are called to live lives in vocations that the world will never understand, to give up everything the world calls good. We are seen as completely mad, but that is a good sign.
"You used to be much more..."muchier." You've lost your muchness." After the Mad Hatter tells Alice this, she tries to prove she still has her "muchness." She starts taking risks again and standing her ground. Children take so many more risks than adults, they trust that they won't make mistakes or that their mistakes will be fixable. That "muchness" is important. You can't succeed without taking risks.
"Who's to say what is "proper"? What if it was agreed that "proper" was wearing a codfish on your head? Would you wear it?" I can't really explain my impression of this, so I'll just share it.

But most of all what struck me was the caterpillar, Absolem's remarks to Alice through out the movie. First he says she is "hardly Alice," then "almost Alice." By the end of the movie, he declares that she is "absolutely Alice." This seems to me to fit our ideas as Catholics. We believe that as we grow in our faith we become more of who we are called to be. So as we start our journey, we are like Alice, not very sure of who we are. Remarks from others can easily confuse us, such as the people who told her she wasn't Alice. The closer we grow to Jesus and knowing the Father's will for us, makes us more certain of who we are in His eyes, more certain of our true self. Then, when we are really living as Christ, like the saints did, we are absolutely true selves, who Christ called us to be. This lent I'm really striving to become absolutely who He wants me to be.

Pax Christi!

On the Road

Yesterday I turned off the radio to say a few prayers in the car. I started talking, out loud, as if Jesus was riding in the car with me. As I thanked Him for His blessings and started listing all the intentions I wanted Him to take care of for me. This thought came to me, that He was in the passenger seat.

As I travel the road, He does not take the wheel. I've heard that phrase and always liked it, because of my apprehension driving. But deeper than that, the idea of having God make the decisions about where I go is reassuring. If He is driving I'd never get lost. This is not the way our faith works however. Jesus is in the passenger seat. He can give us directions if we ask for them. He listens to our frustrations with detours and obstacles. He changes the music when the trip is long or talks with us. He is a friend and navigator, but He does not take control of our lives.
For God to be in control of our lives requires our daily surrender to Him. At each intersection we have to again decided to follow His directions. On the positive side, if we've made a wrong turn, by asking for His directions again, we will get to our destination, just by a slightly different path.

Pax Christi!

Get Lost Tonight

Pax Christi!

Water for the World

Woman at the Well from Taylor Robinson on Vimeo.

"The woman left her water jar and went into the town and said to the people,'Come see a man who told me everything I have done. Could he possibly be the Christ?' "

I'm struck by how the woman immediately went out to the other people, the same people who despised her, to tell them the good news. And she did not yet know for certain. Notice she says He could be the Christ, not He is the Christ. She was uncertain and yet she shared the glimmer of hope she had, not wanting anyone to be left out. That really caught my attention when I first watched the video a few days ago and again today at Mass.

Pax Christi!

Silver Lining

I can't imagine not being Catholic (or in this case, even just Christian). What do non-Catholics do when they encounter suffering? I've always been taught that the "silver lining" of pain is that it can be offered up to God, for the salvation of souls. I think it is a common response of Catholic parents to offer it up. Among my friends, we used to say "All For" when things got rough as a reminder to offer it all for the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

It is nice to know that your suffering has a purpose. To have a philosophy more than "life sucks and then you die." To believe in something that gives a meaning even to the most insignificant things, like the pain from shutting a car door on your thumb. So the next time I offer something up, I think I'll do it for the people who don't know to offer things up.

Pax Christi!

Love Stories

Apparitions are just about the most beautiful thing on earth, in my opinion. When God chooses to come to earth again or send someone else from Heaven shows His continuing concern. Reading the stories of others who have had apparitions or other mystical experiences is akin to reading a love story. I am privy to how God transformed their lives. It is awe-inspiring.
Recently I read a book called Heaven is for Real it is about a 4-year-old protestant minister's son who saw heaven while he was having surgery. The details he recounted from his 3 minute visit to heaven were astounding. The main thing that touched me was the encounter he had with his sister. She was a miscarried baby that he never knew about. He was able to describe what she looked like to his parents later. I have 5 siblings in heaven and except for a brief period when I was 10, never thought much about them. This story reminded me that they are just as real as my brothers who live across the country and one day I will (hopefully) get to meet all of them. So now I talk to them, especially as I'm discerning and filling out paperwork. I was having trouble writing a letter to the founder so I asked them, "Hey Guadalupe, Julian, Conrad, Anthony and Benedict, please help me. I don't know what to write at all." Right after that the right words came to mind in a torrent, just like they were all talking at once.

Last night I looked up another apparition by a four-year-old, Akiane. This girl was raised in an atheistic home. Her family was very private so no one else could have told her about God. Yet, she told her mother of fantastic visions she had. Blessed with an incredible talent for art, she painted pictures of Jesus (including the one here), as well as other people and places she saw. I was listening to an interview with her when she was 10 or 11 and her faith is so beautiful. She said her purpose in painting was to bring others to God, because He is the most important thing. She claims none of her ability as her own, but claims God taught her and gives her the ideas.


I'm also reading He and I which is the conversations a woman, Gabrielle, had with Jesus. This book is most definitely a love story. As I read these books or listen to Akiane's story or even listening to songs by Tenth Avenue North, one thought keeps coming to me over and over: When these people were seeing visions, or being inspired by God, He knew that I would be touched by it years later. He knew exactly how it would affect me, that I needed to hear those words, to know that thought. So their love stories are intertwined with mine, intertwined with the people on the earth today and people I will never meet. This amazing love takes my breath away!

Annunciation

Annunciation
by Joyce Kilmer
"Hail Mary, full of grace," the Angel saith.
Our Lady bows her head, and is ashamed;
She has a Bridegroom Who may not be named,
Her mortal flesh bears Him Who conquers death.

Now in the dust her spirit grovelleth;
Too bright a Sun before her eyes has flamed,
Too fair a herald joy too high proclaimed,
And human lips have trembled in God's breath.
O Mother-Maid, thou art ashamed to cover

With thy white self, whereon no stain can be,
Thy God, Who came from Heaven to be thy Lover,
Thy God, Who came from Heaven to dwell in thee.
About thy head celestial legions hover,
Chanting the praise of thy humility.

Penance

Excerpts from Pope John Paul II Apostolic Exhortation On Reconciliation and Penance [1984] which I found in an article on lovingthechurch.com

1. If we link penance with the metanoia which the synoptics [the Gospels of Matthew, Mark & Luke] refer to, it means the inmost change of heart under the influence of the word of God and in the perspective of the kingdom.

2. But penance also means changing one’s life in harmony with the change of heart, and in this sense doing penance is completed by bringing forth fruits worthy of penance.

3. It is one’s whole existence that becomes penitential, that is to say, directed toward a continuous striving for what is better.

4. But doing penance is something authentic and effective only if it is translated into deeds and acts of penance.

5. In this sense penance means, in the Christian theological and spiritual vocabulary, asceticism, that is to say:

a. the concrete daily effort of a person, supported by God’s grace, to lose his or her own life for Christ as the only means of gaining it;

b. an effort to put off the old man or woman and put on the new;

c. an effort to overcome in oneself what is of the flesh [sinful or tending toward sin] in order that what is spiritual may prevail;

d. a continual effort to rise from the things of here below to the things of above, where Christ is.

6. Penance is therefore a conversion that passes from the heart to deeds and then to the Christian’s whole life.

7. In each of these meanings penance is closely connected with reconciliation, for reconciliation with God, with oneself and with others implies overcoming that radical break which is sin.

8. And this is achieved only through the interior transformation or conversion which bears fruit in a person’s life through acts of penance.

9. The Church’s charism and likewise her unique nature vis-a-vis reconciliation, at whatever level it needs to be achieved, lie in the fact that she always goes back to that reconciliation at the source.

10. For by reason of her essential mission, the church feels an obligation to go to the roots of that original wound of sin in order to bring healing and to re-establish, so to speak, an equally original reconciliation which will be the effective principle of all true reconciliation.

On and On this Lent

I love music. I was planning on that being my career what feels like forever ago, almost 6 years now. When I sing, it is a gift to God, an outpouring of whatever is on my heart. Different songs and artists speak to me at different points in time. Even now, every time I hear certain songs I am put back in the spot I was when I identified with the song. All in All will always remind me of service corps, the friends, the prayer life, everything I experienced that summer. Likewise, the song, "Forget and Not Slow Down" by Relient K brings back all the emotions I was dealing with this past summer. Right now I'm convinced God inspired every lyric written by Tenth Avenue North. Their songs are amazing. I'm pretty sure I've posted several of them already, but here is another one. This lent I'm going on and on with Him.



Pax Christi!

We'll See...

This is an excerpt from an article I did not read...just thought I would put that disclaimer. This section, however, really struck me so I thought I'd share.

Pax Christi!

Fr. Robert Barron on the Japan Earthquake and Tsunami

Can we clarify any further the reasons for the divine “permission” of evil? I might draw upon an old story from the eastern spiritual tradition. A farmer’s horse ran away, and his friends commiserated with him over his loss; but the farmer responded, “we’ll see.” A week later, the horse returned with three others, and his friends rejoiced with him over his good fortune; and the farmer said, “we’ll see.” A week later, his son was riding one of the horses and fell and broke his leg. His friends sympathized with him over this tragedy, and the farmer said, “we’ll see.” The next week, recruiters for the emperors army came to draft the young man into the army but excused him because of his broken leg; the farmers friends congratulated him on his good luck and the farmer said, “we’ll see.” The story goes on in this vein, making the simple but significant point that we never ultimately see the good and evil that might come any set of circumstances. We say that God permits evil so as to bring about a greater good. What possible good could come from the Japanese tragedy? Believers in a provident God and in a life that stretches beyond this one might say, with a serenity born of faith, “we’ll see.”

A Short Road to Perfection

"If you ask me what you are to do in order to be perfect, I say, first-
Do not lie in bed beyond the due time of rising,
give your first thoughts to God;
make a good visit to the Blessed Sacrament;
say the Angelus devoutly;
eat and drink to God's glory;
say the Rosary well;
be recollected;
keep out bad thoughts;
make your evening meditation well;
examine yourself daily;
go to bed in good time,
and you are already perfect."
-John Henry Cardinal Newman

I have a prayer card with this saying on it, I've had it for months or years, I'm not really sure. Most likely, I just found it on one of our bookshelves and it struck my fancy. I've never really tried to follow the guidelines. Right now, I'm just focusing on a few of these things. And I just want to say, the simple lines on the card seem easy. But in practice they are really difficult to do. It isn't the tasks that are difficult but the self-control it takes to perform them. It is all about submitting my will to His Will.
Once again, as I started writing I didn't know where I was taking this topic. But after writing that line, about submitting my will, it made me think of something in the Bible, Matthew 25:23:
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
(NOTE: I didn't have this verse memorized.. I love the ability to google two words and find the bible passage I'm thinking about!)
If I can't add these simple tasks of self-denial to my life now, how will I be able to live the evangelical counsels and community life? The journey to wherever I am called starts now, has started already.

Pax Christi!

God Wants You

From St. Teresa of the Andes (1900-1920):

"I'll give you some lights that can help you recognize your vocation… Do you have a strong desire to belong to God alone, and serve Him as much as you can, with the greatest perfection? That was the ideal God proposed to us when He created us: that we should serve Him and love Him above all things. Do you think your heart can be satisfied with the love of creatures, who for the most part and most times are fickle and fleeting? … Do you think that marriage to a young man is a happy venture, with a man with whom you can form a Christian home? Does that attract you? Wouldn't you prefer to belong to God, to live despised and unknown to the world in a convent, forming thousands of Christian hearts, being a mother of those souls, converting and bringing them to God? … Who can love us like God does? No one in the world.

… My dear little sister, think about all this. And if you're able to renounce all these comforts to live with Him, to be the bride of the divine Crucified One – clearly aided by God's grace – it's because God wants you for Himself, and because He's giving you the courage to abandon everything for Him."
Letter 65, To a Girl Friend. Letters of Saint Teresa of The Andes, translated by Michael D. Griffin, Teresian Charism Press, 1994.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

So someone on Facebook posted part of this song, reminding my of it tonight. Just thought I'd share it for St. Patrick's Day and because it helped me refocus on my real purpose after a difficult day.



Be thou my vision, oh Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that thou art
Thou my best thought, by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light

Be thou my wisdom and thou my true word
I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, and I thy true son
Thou in my dwelling, and I with thee one

Riches I need not, nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance, now and always
Thou and thou only, first in my heart
High King of heaven, my treasure thou art

High King of heaven, my victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision, O ruler of all

Pax Christi!

Speak to Me

The past couple days have been really hard. Life is wearing. The more stress I am under the more I feel the constant pressure of the discernment process. How can I know if this is really the best choice? My bank account was deeply impacted by my minor car accident...does that mean I should keep putting money out for this application? I might have gotten a ticket today, how will that change things? I start to doubt everything...
And then He speaks to me: through a book, through a friend, tonight it was through a song. Not a religious song at all. I was catching up on Glee episodes, trying to calm down from my commute home today. Two characters sang a duet from a song called Candles by Hey Monday. The song's message is not at all related to what I heard; only one line caught my attention: "Someday you will get back everything you gave Me."
He is why I am doing this. It is going to seem crazy to almost everyone. Sometimes it even seems crazy to me. I'm giving up six weeks, one semester. If things work out, maybe I'll be giving up more than that. But I'm gaining so much more. And on top of that, He tells me I'll get back everything I gave up for Him. So what do I have to lose?

Pax Christi!

Blood

I am getting labwork done tomorrow (hopefully) I hate everything about getting labwork, mostly because I hate blood. I hate it. When I was little, I screamed if I thought I had blood on me. (Quite often it was just squashed cherries from our tree.) It really doesn't have to do with pain, obviously.
As I was praying about it though, I remembered the clips from the Passion of the Christ that I recently watched, especially the crucifixion. There was a lot of blood. That scene is perpetually etched in my memory, because the sight of that much blood scarred me. But as much as I hate thinking of that sight, imagine being there. Imagine seeing someone spill that much blood. Imagine seeing someone you love spill that much blood. Imagine someone spilling that much blood for you. Sometimes the reality of our faith gets lost because we hear it too often. Jesus died on the cross for you. I've heard that phrase so many times. Yes I believe it is true, but do I even know what it means?
The Passion movie attempts to portray that reality. While I myself, might never be able to sit through the whole movie I'm trying to think about that reality during this season of lent. I'm trying to make the phrase "Jesus died on the cross for me" a real idea of pain, suffering, death and glory. And part of focusing on that is getting my blood drawn. I don't think I'll like it anymore, but thinking about the Reason I'm getting it done will hopefully make the experience a little less painful.

Pax Christi!

Moving Forward

This video doesn't need any of my words, it is awesome. Just watch.

Pax Christi!

Counting My Blessings

So today I was blessed. I was blessed that I wasn't hurt. I was blessed that my car appears to have no damage. I was blessed that the lady whose car I hit, was just about the nicest person I'd ever like to meet. And this was after I rear-ended her. I was blessed with the grace to not panic and keep calm as we talked about how to handle the situation and exchanged information. I was blessed in that I didn't shake for hours like I did when someone hit me two years ago. I was blessed that I had decided to go into work early, so I wasn't late. I was blessed that as soon as I started my car again, I realized how blessed I was instead of being upset that I got in the accident in the first place.
It is really amazing to be looking at an unfortunate event from this perspective, seeing everything that went right. I can see how God is taking care of me. So now I'll just continue to trust Him, that the cost of the damage to the other car won't keep my plans from moving forward. Or, if I can't go forward, that those plans were not His.

Pax Christi!

Cha-Cha in the Chapel

Cha-cha in the Chapel? That is disrespectful, irreverent, scandalous. Reading the title, I'm fairly certain one of these thoughts crossed your mind. But keep reading.

Here is how I normally approach prayer in the chapel: I sit or kneel in the pew. I am uncomfortable after a few minutes and get distracted by that. I normally am a person who moves around a lot. Staying still so as not to distract anyone else becomes my priority instead of talking to Jesus. I don't express my feelings because, that to could draw attention to me. So, if the conversation I'm having with Jesus is making me want to cry or laugh, I have to stifle those emotions. Weirdly, even if I am alone in the chapel I feel reluctant. Singing, for me, is truly a way to pray twice. But in adoration or chapel, I never sing what is on my heart. Why? For fear of what others would think if they walked by.
But lately this has been bugging me. Why am I so afraid of what others will think? Isn't HE the most important person, since I'm having a conversation with Him? David danced like a fool before the ark. The Psalms are filled with lines telling us to sing, shout and dance for the Lord. God has given us the feelings we have, why don't we express them?
Now I'm not advocating liturgical dance, actually dancing the cha-cha in church or trying any of this during adoration with other people. But if you are alone in the church, why not pray out loud? Or feel free to cry, sing, or dance? He understands. Instead of kneeling, try sitting however you would talking to a friend. For He is your friend, waiting to talk about whatever is on your heart.

Pax Christi!

Heaven is Myself

"Fix it firmly in your mind that this presence of Me in you is not an allegory or fantasy or a metaphor. It's not a story you listen to or something that might have happened to someone else. It has to do with you and Me. It has to do with a reality to be lived.
Then live with assurance and gladness. You will find so much happiness in this and you will give me so much joy. Greet Me often in your own way, in all sorts of ways. I'll love you in every one of these ways of yours.
Run after Me in you. Never give up the chase. Seek Me as Father, Bridegroom, Savior. See Me looking at you. You know I'm waiting for you. Don't be heedless of the moments. Take a flying leap in your free thinking, just as you would if someone said, 'The gates of heaven are wide open.' Heaven is Myself. And it is I Who am in you. Do you thoroughly grasp this?"
-Selection from He and I

Music

Recently, many of my posts have been songs I like, or at least referred to them. Right now I find that music speaks what is on my heart and mind so much better than I ever could. At different points in my life, different artists have been in sync with my thoughts. Reliant K was during the summer of 2009. After college it was lifehouse. Now, it is Tenth Avenue North. I listen to their songs over and over. Just when I think, "Ok, this is getting old," a new line stands out to me. Something hits me, just when I need it.
So this is pretty much pointless, but I thought I'd share anyhow.

Pax Christi!

In Good Company

So I just watched a movie, In Good Company. So the story had the typical "one scene" that gives it the higher rating and attempts to ruin any good in it, but looking past that, this has something more. It doesn't end with the young guy getting the girl, it doesn't end with the girl making the decision to leave her parents "old-fashioned" ways behind. It has a radical ending, in my opinion. Rather than chase after the girl (who told him she isn't ready for commitment, a line I could rant about for a long time) or chase after success, he decides to find what he loves doing.
And the main character agrees with him that it is a good decision. This is radical. It goes against common sense. Common sense says you need security, you need money to pay bills, you go to college, you start working, you fall in love. You don't leave college or a career behind because you aren't at peace. You don't go on a search for peace, because it won't give you money, or food, or shelter.
But I believe the choice the young man made was the right one. As I feel about the decision I'm making. Because it isn't about security, it is about trust. And it isn't about success, it is about peace.

Pax Christi!

Compared to Calvary

This song has so many beautiful lines and images in it, but one particularly struck me today as I drove into work.
Such a tiny offering compared to Calvary, nevertheless we lay this at Your feet.
The more and more serious I grow in this stage of discernment, the more I recognize what I am giving up. Almost every day I think of something new: the luxury of my own car, the freedom to come and go as I please, spending money, phone calls with friends, facebook, holidays with my family, having my own children, getting married, my computer, my dream to go on a roadtrip cross country. I'll stop there because this list could go on for a very long time. Some are not really a big deal. For example, I've given up Facebook in the past and not missed it very much. Others, such as not having my own family are a bigger deal. I know that I will be happier fulfilling God's will, but that doesn't take this desire away. But if I compare these sacrifices that I will be making to Calvary, they are nothing. I will not be in agony doing God's Will. I will not (most likely) die a painful death because I'm doing God's Will. The hardest burden, the hardest path was the one He gave His own Son. In comparison, my cross and my path are so much easier.
How can I not give these things up joyfully in return?

Pax Christi!

Speechless

So I feel like I haven't actually written a post in a while. Since the retreat, I've had no clue where to start. Today though I'm just thinking about how great it is that our God is intimately connected with us. He cares about the details in our lives. He uses countless little things to speak to us.
For instance, as I've been going to Mass more frequently the reading all seem to line up with a decision I'm making. He has blessed me with so many friends who are also discerning, some even with the same community at this time. He uses people around me to answer the questions I've been asking Him in my heart.
This Love is so amazing, I can't even put it into words! <3

Pax Christi!

Easier

It would be easier if You were just a thought in my head
Simply something that I once read
A belief needing my defense

And it would be easier if You were something I once knew
A hope just to hold on
But You're holding out Your hands

The beginning of this song reminds me of something I heard on retreat last week. Jesus is a person. He has feelings. He is waiting for us. It is easier to think of Him as just speaking to the prophets in the past or an authority figure far away. But that isn't the truth. He is a friend, asking to spend time with us, asking us to trust in Him.

Pax Christi!