At 20 years of age, I'm still looking for a dream....and You've got great plans for me, though I can't always see.
This line caught my attention the other day. My sister had gotten a new cd for Easter and while I knew most of the songs, I'd never noticed this line before. Or maybe it just spoke to me now. For some reason, twenty always seemed really old to me. I remember being little and thinking everything would make sense when I was 20 or I'd be all grown up at 20. It probably had to do with the fact that my older brother was married at 20. Maybe. Or just because I like nice round numbers. But my 20th birthday is less than 2 months away now. And I'm still searching. I've learned a lot of lessons. I know I'm on the right path. Where I'll end up remains to be known. All I know for certain at this point is my plans for the next week!
I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
The refrain makes mistakes sounds so poetic and nice. To say I've just put dents in my fender and rips in my jeans makes it sound like a rustic scene in a picture. But as time has gone by from the major mistakes I've made, I've been able to appreciate what I've learned. Sure there are still consequences and broken friendships, but the hurt isn't as bad. I'm sure at this point my soul has dents and rips. Isn't that what we believe about confession? It forgives the sin, but there are still consequences. The more I come to know Him though the less this bothers me. I'm on the right path now and that is what matters. And even if I fall away again, He'll pick me up and out me on His shoulders. :)
Pax Christi!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
23 Days Until Judgment Day!
Sometimes I'm very glad to be Catholic. I've been watching the electronic billboard on the way home from school countdown for a week or so. I wouldn't want that pressure: the pressure of knowing (or thinking at least, since they are most likely wrong) when the world would end. I wouldn't want the pressure of interpreting Jesus' words for myself. I mean, I read the Bible on my own (occasionally) but I've already heard 90% of it at Mass. And there any confusing statements or seemingly contradictory statements are explained by someone a lot more educated on the matter than I am. I wouldn't want to confess my sins just to God. Sure, sometimes, the idea of not going to confession and stating my sins out loud sounds wonderful. But I've struggled with knowing that I am forgiven even when the priest says the words, "Go in peace. Your sins are forgiven." How much worse would it be if I didn't hear those words?
I think it is really easy as a "cradle Catholic" to take the gift of the faith for granted. I know nothing else, but today I realized, once again, what a gift it is.
Pax Christi!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Emmaus
"Were not our hearts burning within us?"
The story of Emmaus always reminds me of the summer I did service corps. We walked the "road to Emmaus," both the actual road to our house named after this place and in our journey with Jesus. I started out that summer with my own intent. I was going to try out religious life, not particularly to grow closer to Christ or be open to His Will. The two disciples in the story started out going to Emmaus, but immediately after recognizing Jesus, their plans changed. They returned to Jerusalem.
I walked that road to Emmaus with my friends, my sisters in Christ. With each one, the journey was different. Each one helped me to grow in my relationship with Him that summer. I did not recognize that He was often speaking through them. In fact, I don't think I realized how greatly God was working in my that summer. I often wonder about how I got so off track afterwards... I couldn't keep the prayer life that had been so easy to maintain there. But I didn't realize how much of that grace was directly from Him. That passion for the faith was a grace for the moment to help me draw closer. It made my heart burn with in me out of love.
Now I have to work harder. Life is different outside a religious community. Mass and prayer times have to be worked around work schedules, class times, and other obligations. But the journey continues. The journey of the road to Emmaus, of disciples walking with the Lord unknown.
Pax Christi!
The story of Emmaus always reminds me of the summer I did service corps. We walked the "road to Emmaus," both the actual road to our house named after this place and in our journey with Jesus. I started out that summer with my own intent. I was going to try out religious life, not particularly to grow closer to Christ or be open to His Will. The two disciples in the story started out going to Emmaus, but immediately after recognizing Jesus, their plans changed. They returned to Jerusalem.
I walked that road to Emmaus with my friends, my sisters in Christ. With each one, the journey was different. Each one helped me to grow in my relationship with Him that summer. I did not recognize that He was often speaking through them. In fact, I don't think I realized how greatly God was working in my that summer. I often wonder about how I got so off track afterwards... I couldn't keep the prayer life that had been so easy to maintain there. But I didn't realize how much of that grace was directly from Him. That passion for the faith was a grace for the moment to help me draw closer. It made my heart burn with in me out of love.
Now I have to work harder. Life is different outside a religious community. Mass and prayer times have to be worked around work schedules, class times, and other obligations. But the journey continues. The journey of the road to Emmaus, of disciples walking with the Lord unknown.
Pax Christi!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Silence
“We need to find God, and He cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.” ~Mother Teresa
I am not always comfortable with silence. With certain friends or at certain times, it is comforting, but often I find myself filling the time with mindless noise. Silence is the only way to find peace though.
Tonight I sat out under the stars to pray. I love the night that comes after a too hot day. With a cool breeze and the world all asleep, I am alone with Him. I pour out my worries and anxieties, everything that kept me away from Him all day. When I run out of words, I close my eyes. In the stillness and silence, He is there. And everything that kept me from Him is no longer important.
Pax Christi!
I am not always comfortable with silence. With certain friends or at certain times, it is comforting, but often I find myself filling the time with mindless noise. Silence is the only way to find peace though.
Tonight I sat out under the stars to pray. I love the night that comes after a too hot day. With a cool breeze and the world all asleep, I am alone with Him. I pour out my worries and anxieties, everything that kept me away from Him all day. When I run out of words, I close my eyes. In the stillness and silence, He is there. And everything that kept me from Him is no longer important.
Pax Christi!
Friday, April 22, 2011
What is Truth?
In the very long, very beautiful Gospel today one line really struck me. I had never really noticed it before, since it is not a seemingly important part of the story. Jesus is talking to Pilate and says he came to testify to the truth and that those who belong to the truth listen to His voice. Pilate responded saying, "What is truth?"
Jesus made no reply. So what is truth? I feel like in life we are all constantly searching for it. We look for truth, expect the truth from those we meet, but do we ever know what it is? Our world today insists that everything is relative, what is right for you is not right for me. My god is different from your god. Truth becomes nothing more than opinion. So what is truth?
The truth is so far beyond us. Jesus is the truth. Jesus, our God Who came down to earth to give us a sign of His infinite love. Jesus Who suffered a horrendous death at our hands. Jesus Who longs for us, but gives us free will to reject Him. This is the truth. This infinite love. This wonderful God. This Beautiful Savior. This is truth.
Pax Christi!
Jesus made no reply. So what is truth? I feel like in life we are all constantly searching for it. We look for truth, expect the truth from those we meet, but do we ever know what it is? Our world today insists that everything is relative, what is right for you is not right for me. My god is different from your god. Truth becomes nothing more than opinion. So what is truth?
The truth is so far beyond us. Jesus is the truth. Jesus, our God Who came down to earth to give us a sign of His infinite love. Jesus Who suffered a horrendous death at our hands. Jesus Who longs for us, but gives us free will to reject Him. This is the truth. This infinite love. This wonderful God. This Beautiful Savior. This is truth.
Pax Christi!
In His Hands
R. Father, I put my life in Your hands.
In you, O LORD, I take refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
In your justice rescue me.
Into your hands I commend my spirit;
you will redeem me, O LORD, O faithful God.
R. Father, I put my life in Your hands.
For all my foes I am an object of reproach,
a laughingstock to my neighbors, and a dread to my friends;
they who see me abroad flee from me.
I am forgotten like the unremembered dead;
I am like a dish that is broken.
R. Father, I put my life in Your hands.
But my trust is in you, O LORD;
I say, “You are my God.
In your hands is my destiny; rescue me
from the clutches of my enemies and my persecutors.”
R. Father, I put my life in Your hands.
Let your face shine upon your servant;
save me in your kindness.
Take courage and be stouthearted,
all you who hope in the LORD.
R. Father, I put my life in Your hands.
This is the responsorial psalm for Good Friday, the wording of the refrain is a little different than what I've always heard. The words struck me in a different way. I'm still waiting to hear back from this community. I don't even remember how long ago I talked to them about a date. My application was mailed yesterday. And I have this weird feeling inside. I'm not quite comfortable with the idea that I'm called to religious life. I've been thinking about it off and on for years, but it is still such a radical life, so unlike what I have here. The thought of taking another semester off school, of trying it out, and coming back knowing it is not for me is also frightening. I don't want to face people who won't understand- my coworkers and friends mainly. Things keep happening at home that make me want to be here for my family. Even if I get married and have kids, I'd be more available to them than in a community.
But underneath this uncomfortableness is a different feeling. A feeling of peace that this is the next step. It might not be the end destination, but that is irrelevant. I don't know where I am going, God only tells me what I can handle at the moment. This brings peace that this is His Will... I'm putting my life in His Hands, for who could better take care of it? I've already shown in one short year how badly I can mess things up. But He loves me more than I love myself. He loves me so much that He died for me. He loves me so much that He continues to give Himself every day on the altar. He loves me enough to wait in the tabernacle, sometimes for days until I make the time to stop in for a visit. And in return, I'm putting my life in His hands.
Pax Christi!
In you, O LORD, I take refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
In your justice rescue me.
Into your hands I commend my spirit;
you will redeem me, O LORD, O faithful God.
R. Father, I put my life in Your hands.
For all my foes I am an object of reproach,
a laughingstock to my neighbors, and a dread to my friends;
they who see me abroad flee from me.
I am forgotten like the unremembered dead;
I am like a dish that is broken.
R. Father, I put my life in Your hands.
But my trust is in you, O LORD;
I say, “You are my God.
In your hands is my destiny; rescue me
from the clutches of my enemies and my persecutors.”
R. Father, I put my life in Your hands.
Let your face shine upon your servant;
save me in your kindness.
Take courage and be stouthearted,
all you who hope in the LORD.
R. Father, I put my life in Your hands.
This is the responsorial psalm for Good Friday, the wording of the refrain is a little different than what I've always heard. The words struck me in a different way. I'm still waiting to hear back from this community. I don't even remember how long ago I talked to them about a date. My application was mailed yesterday. And I have this weird feeling inside. I'm not quite comfortable with the idea that I'm called to religious life. I've been thinking about it off and on for years, but it is still such a radical life, so unlike what I have here. The thought of taking another semester off school, of trying it out, and coming back knowing it is not for me is also frightening. I don't want to face people who won't understand- my coworkers and friends mainly. Things keep happening at home that make me want to be here for my family. Even if I get married and have kids, I'd be more available to them than in a community.
But underneath this uncomfortableness is a different feeling. A feeling of peace that this is the next step. It might not be the end destination, but that is irrelevant. I don't know where I am going, God only tells me what I can handle at the moment. This brings peace that this is His Will... I'm putting my life in His Hands, for who could better take care of it? I've already shown in one short year how badly I can mess things up. But He loves me more than I love myself. He loves me so much that He died for me. He loves me so much that He continues to give Himself every day on the altar. He loves me enough to wait in the tabernacle, sometimes for days until I make the time to stop in for a visit. And in return, I'm putting my life in His hands.
Pax Christi!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
A Table for Two
This is a story I saw on Tumblr and had to share. As this lenten journey comes to a close I'm praying that I and everyone else will stay just a little closer to Jesus and more steadfast in their walk with Him. Pax Christi!
He sits by himself at a table for two. The uniformed waiter returns to his side and asks, “Would you like to go ahead and order, sir?” The man has, after all, been waiting since seven o’clock–almost half an hour. “No, thank you,” the man smiles. “I’ll wait for her a while longer. How about some more coffee?” “Certainly, sir.” The man sits, his clear blue eyes gazing straight through the flowered centerpiece. He fingers his napkin, allowing the sounds of light chatter, tinkling silverware, and mellow music to fill his mind. He is dressed in sport coat and tie. His dark brown hair is neatly combed, but one stray lock insists on dropping to his forehead. The scent of his cologne adds to his clean cut image. He is dressed up enough to make a companion feel important, respected, loved. Yet he is not so formal as to make one uncomfortable. It seems that he has taken every precaution to make others feel at ease with him. Still, he sits alone. The waiter returns to fill the man’s coffee cup. “Is there anything else I can get for you, sir?” “No, thank you.” The waiter remains standing at the table. Something tugs at his curiosity. “I don’t mean to pry, but…” His voice trails off. This line of conversation could jeopardize his tip. “Go ahead,” the man encourages. His is strong, yet sensitive, inviting conversation. “Why do you bother waiting for her?” the waiter finally blurts out. This man has been at the restaurant other evenings, always patiently alone. Says the man quietly, “Because she needs me.” “Are you sure?” “Yes.” “Well, sir, no offense, but assuming that she needs you, she sure isn’t acting much like it. She’s stood you up three times just this week.” The man winces, and looks down at the table. “Yes, I know.” “Then why do you still come here and wait?” “Cassie said that she would be here.” “She’s said that before,” the waiter protests. “I wouldn’t put up with it. Why do you?” Now the man looks up, smiles at the waiter, and says simply, “Because I love her.” The waiter walks away, wondering how one could love a girl who stands him up three times a week. The man must be crazy, he decides. Across the room, he turns to look at the man again. The man slowly pours cream into his coffee. He twirls his spoon between his fingers a few times before stirring sweetener into his cup. After staring for a moment into the liquid, the man brings the cup to his mouth and sips, silently watching those around him. He doesn’t look crazy, the waiter admits. Maybe the girl has qualities that I don’t know about. Or maybe the man’s love is stronger than most. The waiter shakes himself out of his musings to take an order from a party of five. The man watches the waiter, wonders if he’s ever been stood up. The man has, many times. But he still can’t get used to it. Each time, it hurts. He’s looked forward to this evening all day. He has many things, exciting things, to tell Cassie. But, more importantly, he wants to hear Cassie’s voice. He wants her to tell him all about her day, her triumphs, her defeats… anything, really. He has tried so many times to show Cassie how much he loves her. He’d just like to know that she cares for him, too. He sips sporadically at the coffee, and loses himself in thought, knowing that Cassie is late, but still hoping that she will arrive. The clock says nine-thirty when the waiter returns to the man’s table. “Is there anything I can get for you?” The still empty chair stabs at the man. “No, I think that will be all for tonight. May I have the check please?” “Yes, sir.” When the waiter leaves, the man picks up the check. He pulls out his wallet and sighs. He has enough money to have given Cassie a feast. But he takes out only enough to pay for his five cups of coffee and the tip. Why do you do this, Cassie, his mind cries as he gets up from the table. “Good-bye,” the waiter says, as the man walks towards the door. “Good night. Thank you for your service.” “You’re welcome, sir,” says the waiter softly, for he sees the hurt in the man’s eyes that his smile doesn’t hide. The man passes a laughing young couple on his way out, and his eyes glisten as he thinks of the good time he and Cassie could have had. He stops at the front and makes reservations for tomorrow. Maybe Cassie will be able to make it, he thinks. “Seven o’clock tomorrow for party of two?” the hostess confirms. “That’s right,” the man replies. “Do you think she’ll come?” asks the hostess. She doesn’t mean to be rude, but she has watched the man many times alone at his table for two. “Someday, yes. And I will be waiting for her.” The man buttons his overcoat and walks out of the restaurant, alone. His shoulders are hunched, but through the windows the hostess can only guess whether they are hunched against the wind or against the man’s hurt. As the man turns toward home, Cassie turns into bed. She is tired after an evening out with friends. As she reaches toward her night stand to set the alarm, she sees the note that she scribbled to herself last night. ‘7:00,’ it says. ‘Spend some time in prayer.’ Darn, she thinks. She forgot again. She feels a twinge of guilt, but quickly pushes it aside. She needed that time with her friends. And now she needs her sleep. She can pray tomorrow night. Jesus will forgive her. And she’s sure he doesn’t mind.
He sits by himself at a table for two. The uniformed waiter returns to his side and asks, “Would you like to go ahead and order, sir?” The man has, after all, been waiting since seven o’clock–almost half an hour. “No, thank you,” the man smiles. “I’ll wait for her a while longer. How about some more coffee?” “Certainly, sir.” The man sits, his clear blue eyes gazing straight through the flowered centerpiece. He fingers his napkin, allowing the sounds of light chatter, tinkling silverware, and mellow music to fill his mind. He is dressed in sport coat and tie. His dark brown hair is neatly combed, but one stray lock insists on dropping to his forehead. The scent of his cologne adds to his clean cut image. He is dressed up enough to make a companion feel important, respected, loved. Yet he is not so formal as to make one uncomfortable. It seems that he has taken every precaution to make others feel at ease with him. Still, he sits alone. The waiter returns to fill the man’s coffee cup. “Is there anything else I can get for you, sir?” “No, thank you.” The waiter remains standing at the table. Something tugs at his curiosity. “I don’t mean to pry, but…” His voice trails off. This line of conversation could jeopardize his tip. “Go ahead,” the man encourages. His is strong, yet sensitive, inviting conversation. “Why do you bother waiting for her?” the waiter finally blurts out. This man has been at the restaurant other evenings, always patiently alone. Says the man quietly, “Because she needs me.” “Are you sure?” “Yes.” “Well, sir, no offense, but assuming that she needs you, she sure isn’t acting much like it. She’s stood you up three times just this week.” The man winces, and looks down at the table. “Yes, I know.” “Then why do you still come here and wait?” “Cassie said that she would be here.” “She’s said that before,” the waiter protests. “I wouldn’t put up with it. Why do you?” Now the man looks up, smiles at the waiter, and says simply, “Because I love her.” The waiter walks away, wondering how one could love a girl who stands him up three times a week. The man must be crazy, he decides. Across the room, he turns to look at the man again. The man slowly pours cream into his coffee. He twirls his spoon between his fingers a few times before stirring sweetener into his cup. After staring for a moment into the liquid, the man brings the cup to his mouth and sips, silently watching those around him. He doesn’t look crazy, the waiter admits. Maybe the girl has qualities that I don’t know about. Or maybe the man’s love is stronger than most. The waiter shakes himself out of his musings to take an order from a party of five. The man watches the waiter, wonders if he’s ever been stood up. The man has, many times. But he still can’t get used to it. Each time, it hurts. He’s looked forward to this evening all day. He has many things, exciting things, to tell Cassie. But, more importantly, he wants to hear Cassie’s voice. He wants her to tell him all about her day, her triumphs, her defeats… anything, really. He has tried so many times to show Cassie how much he loves her. He’d just like to know that she cares for him, too. He sips sporadically at the coffee, and loses himself in thought, knowing that Cassie is late, but still hoping that she will arrive. The clock says nine-thirty when the waiter returns to the man’s table. “Is there anything I can get for you?” The still empty chair stabs at the man. “No, I think that will be all for tonight. May I have the check please?” “Yes, sir.” When the waiter leaves, the man picks up the check. He pulls out his wallet and sighs. He has enough money to have given Cassie a feast. But he takes out only enough to pay for his five cups of coffee and the tip. Why do you do this, Cassie, his mind cries as he gets up from the table. “Good-bye,” the waiter says, as the man walks towards the door. “Good night. Thank you for your service.” “You’re welcome, sir,” says the waiter softly, for he sees the hurt in the man’s eyes that his smile doesn’t hide. The man passes a laughing young couple on his way out, and his eyes glisten as he thinks of the good time he and Cassie could have had. He stops at the front and makes reservations for tomorrow. Maybe Cassie will be able to make it, he thinks. “Seven o’clock tomorrow for party of two?” the hostess confirms. “That’s right,” the man replies. “Do you think she’ll come?” asks the hostess. She doesn’t mean to be rude, but she has watched the man many times alone at his table for two. “Someday, yes. And I will be waiting for her.” The man buttons his overcoat and walks out of the restaurant, alone. His shoulders are hunched, but through the windows the hostess can only guess whether they are hunched against the wind or against the man’s hurt. As the man turns toward home, Cassie turns into bed. She is tired after an evening out with friends. As she reaches toward her night stand to set the alarm, she sees the note that she scribbled to herself last night. ‘7:00,’ it says. ‘Spend some time in prayer.’ Darn, she thinks. She forgot again. She feels a twinge of guilt, but quickly pushes it aside. She needed that time with her friends. And now she needs her sleep. She can pray tomorrow night. Jesus will forgive her. And she’s sure he doesn’t mind.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Love Letters
I finished my application. It has been almost finished for almost two weeks now and I haven't had the courage to take the final step- copy my letter asking for permission to visit. Tomorrow it goes in the mail. I feel so strange now. I'm still waiting, hoping and praying. It is a combination of chaos and peace. I'm not at rest but the reasons I'm not at rest are all superficial, the pull of the world and my sinful nature. I know as certain as I can be that applying was the right step.
But to the point of this post. I pulled out my box of letters tonight. These are letters starting from 2 and a half years ago when I did service corps (volunteering at the place I am now hoping to visit and maybe even enter). There are notes from my family, the people I lived with, and any other letters I've received that I wanted to keep. I don't often look at these letters anymore. I found that looking back kept me from living in the present, so I put them away. Now I'm worrying too much about the future so I thought a look in the past would put everything in perspective.
As I opened the box and glanced through I thought to myself, "I wish I had love letters from Him." I know that some people regard the Bible or other spiritual books as love letters, but I was longing for something more personal in that moment. Something meant for me and me alone. I sighed and turned back to the box. The first letter I read was written in adoration; my friend began by telling me that she was not responsible for the words, He was. Another mentioned how much God had been working in my heart that summer and I couldn't see it. Two thanked me for things I didn't know I did, things He did through me. I read ten letters or so and was completely blown away. Because He did write me love letters. He wrote them through the words of my friends. He wrote them with all the moments of friendship we shared- the giggles, the tears, the jokes, the whispered conversations, the songs. He wrote them over the course of the past 34 months, knowing that tonight I would be open to and appreciate His gesture of love. I've read these letters before but didn't see Him as clearly as I do tonight.
And all I can think is that this is Holy Week, the commemoration of three great acts of love Jesus performed for us: the institution of the Eucharist, His dying on the cross and His opening of Heaven to us. But He went beyond that to make me smile tonight with this little act of love. I am blown away!
Pax Christi!
But to the point of this post. I pulled out my box of letters tonight. These are letters starting from 2 and a half years ago when I did service corps (volunteering at the place I am now hoping to visit and maybe even enter). There are notes from my family, the people I lived with, and any other letters I've received that I wanted to keep. I don't often look at these letters anymore. I found that looking back kept me from living in the present, so I put them away. Now I'm worrying too much about the future so I thought a look in the past would put everything in perspective.
As I opened the box and glanced through I thought to myself, "I wish I had love letters from Him." I know that some people regard the Bible or other spiritual books as love letters, but I was longing for something more personal in that moment. Something meant for me and me alone. I sighed and turned back to the box. The first letter I read was written in adoration; my friend began by telling me that she was not responsible for the words, He was. Another mentioned how much God had been working in my heart that summer and I couldn't see it. Two thanked me for things I didn't know I did, things He did through me. I read ten letters or so and was completely blown away. Because He did write me love letters. He wrote them through the words of my friends. He wrote them with all the moments of friendship we shared- the giggles, the tears, the jokes, the whispered conversations, the songs. He wrote them over the course of the past 34 months, knowing that tonight I would be open to and appreciate His gesture of love. I've read these letters before but didn't see Him as clearly as I do tonight.
And all I can think is that this is Holy Week, the commemoration of three great acts of love Jesus performed for us: the institution of the Eucharist, His dying on the cross and His opening of Heaven to us. But He went beyond that to make me smile tonight with this little act of love. I am blown away!
Pax Christi!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Comfort in Trials
This semester has been a long walk with Jesus. I don't feel at home there so I turn to Him. The trials with professors and differing views of my classmates made me search for what I truly believe.
Trials often seem to be the best way to grow close to Him. And that is what this week is really about- joining Him in His trial, comforting Him with our love and devotion during the darkest moments of His life for He exists outside of time. The sacrifices and prayers we make today comforted Him on that agonizing night in the garden, as He stood before Pilate, when the soldiers were mocking Him.
This is such a powerful idea to me, that we can be of comfort to our God who made us. Why should our words and actions mean anything to Him? But they do and we can. So won't you this week?
Trials often seem to be the best way to grow close to Him. And that is what this week is really about- joining Him in His trial, comforting Him with our love and devotion during the darkest moments of His life for He exists outside of time. The sacrifices and prayers we make today comforted Him on that agonizing night in the garden, as He stood before Pilate, when the soldiers were mocking Him.
This is such a powerful idea to me, that we can be of comfort to our God who made us. Why should our words and actions mean anything to Him? But they do and we can. So won't you this week?
Thursday, April 14, 2011
He's Got the Whole World in His Hands
I was going to write about the conversations I had at school, but this prayer is what is on my heart. It pretty much sums up the interactions I had with my professor and classmates at this "Catholic" institution.
Somedays, like today, the problems in the world are overwhelming to me. The more I learn in college, whether the material or just from conversation, the more I want to be part of a different kind of life. The more I want to find a way to open people's eyes to the lies they are being told. I can't believe the untruths that they believe. But they are searching and don't find the answers they need. Jesus, I know You are the answer, You are the Truth. Help me to share this. Help me to be a solution to the problems in the world.
I pray that someday families will be one, that marriage will be regarded as sacred, that sin will no longer come between siblings, that parents will educate their children in the Faith. I pray that the Church will continue to do Your Will and teach Your Truth. I pray that the world will perceive the good that is in the Church and support it instead of tearing it down. I pray that numbers of the faithful Catholics will grow and that all lukewarm Catholics will embrace the teachings of the Church. I pray that the entire world may be converted, every single soul. I pray that sin will no longer be viewed as acceptable entertainment and that relativism may be wiped from our culture. I pray for the souls who do not realize they should pray. I pray for the souls that are trying to find You, but have no one to show them the way. Find them, Jesus, help them to believe.
Tonight, Jesus, I want to pray for the world.
Somedays, like today, the problems in the world are overwhelming to me. The more I learn in college, whether the material or just from conversation, the more I want to be part of a different kind of life. The more I want to find a way to open people's eyes to the lies they are being told. I can't believe the untruths that they believe. But they are searching and don't find the answers they need. Jesus, I know You are the answer, You are the Truth. Help me to share this. Help me to be a solution to the problems in the world.
I pray that someday families will be one, that marriage will be regarded as sacred, that sin will no longer come between siblings, that parents will educate their children in the Faith. I pray that the Church will continue to do Your Will and teach Your Truth. I pray that the world will perceive the good that is in the Church and support it instead of tearing it down. I pray that numbers of the faithful Catholics will grow and that all lukewarm Catholics will embrace the teachings of the Church. I pray that the entire world may be converted, every single soul. I pray that sin will no longer be viewed as acceptable entertainment and that relativism may be wiped from our culture. I pray for the souls who do not realize they should pray. I pray for the souls that are trying to find You, but have no one to show them the way. Find them, Jesus, help them to believe.
Tonight, Jesus, I want to pray for the world.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
I Wish I Were the Little Key
I wish I were the little key
That locks Love's captive in
And who lets Him out to go and free
A stricken heart from sin.
I wish I were the little bell
That tinkles for the Host,
When God comes down each day to dwell
With hearts He loves the most.
I wish I were the chalice fair
That holds the Blood of Love
When every flash lights holy prayer
Upon its way above.
I wish I were the little flower
So near the Host's sweet face,
Or like the light that half an hour
Burns on the shrine of grace.
I wish I were the altar, where,
As on His Mother's Breast,
Christ nestles, like a child , fore'er
In Eucharistic rest.
But oh, my God, I wish the most
That my poor heart may be
A home all holy for each Host
That comes in love to me.
That locks Love's captive in
And who lets Him out to go and free
A stricken heart from sin.
I wish I were the little bell
That tinkles for the Host,
When God comes down each day to dwell
With hearts He loves the most.
I wish I were the chalice fair
That holds the Blood of Love
When every flash lights holy prayer
Upon its way above.
I wish I were the little flower
So near the Host's sweet face,
Or like the light that half an hour
Burns on the shrine of grace.
I wish I were the altar, where,
As on His Mother's Breast,
Christ nestles, like a child , fore'er
In Eucharistic rest.
But oh, my God, I wish the most
That my poor heart may be
A home all holy for each Host
That comes in love to me.
Monday, April 11, 2011
God is Love
Today was a beautiful day! The sun was shining, it was too warm. I woke up early and got to the gym and mass. Everything that I wanted to do got done.
I've been thinking since lunch though about something that a fellow student said in passing. She stepped outside and said, "There is a God!"
But His existence is just as real when we cannot see. Just as real on those rainy days when nothing gets done and the traffic is horrible and life doesn't seem worth living. He is there when someone dies, or gets ill or injured. He is there when families fall apart. He is there when relationships end and friendships fade. We cannot fathom the love that went into fitting those crosses, the weight He carried, the blows He softened and prevented.
I wish I could have shared this with my classmate at school. I wish I could share this with the world, this Love I know.
Pax Christi!
I've been thinking since lunch though about something that a fellow student said in passing. She stepped outside and said, "There is a God!"
But His existence is just as real when we cannot see. Just as real on those rainy days when nothing gets done and the traffic is horrible and life doesn't seem worth living. He is there when someone dies, or gets ill or injured. He is there when families fall apart. He is there when relationships end and friendships fade. We cannot fathom the love that went into fitting those crosses, the weight He carried, the blows He softened and prevented.
I wish I could have shared this with my classmate at school. I wish I could share this with the world, this Love I know.
Pax Christi!
Friday, April 8, 2011
Frustration
So Jesus is amazing! I was just sitting down to write a post and the only thing that came to my mind was frustration. Somedays I do not want to live the life He has planned. Keeping my job, finishing college, getting married and raising a family is a more "normal" experience. People will understand that. No, instead He has to call me now to leave college and my job for the unknown. I might be back 6 weeks later and in the same place, only having fallen behind and looking like a fool. It is a choice I can barely explain to my family and yet it really does feel like the right one.
Today my plans for the next couple months at least really felt heavy, like a physical weight on my shoulders. It started with babysitting JJ (an adorable little boy) this morning. For at least the fifth time someone assumed I was his parent. I usually don't say anything because I don't want to get into explaining how he is homeschooled and that is why he is out of school and all the other questions. But today I wished that someday I would have a child and get to spend a morning just talking to them like I do with JJ. Then at work two people found out I had plans to leave (again.) As they joked about how often I've left and come back, the frustration from the morning came back. I want people to think well of me, but this decision means changing plans yet again. I want to explain, but words fail me. So I let them think what they want and admit that I don't know what I'm doing.
All it took was a few words that showed up on my facebook. "I've felt the same way." It wasn't regarding discerning religious vocation, but just about general conversion of your life. Sometimes it is reassuring to know I am not alone. To know that I am not crazy for basing my life on my Faith. And how wonderful it is to have a God who knows this need in my heart and fulfills it before I even ask!
Pax Christi!
Today my plans for the next couple months at least really felt heavy, like a physical weight on my shoulders. It started with babysitting JJ (an adorable little boy) this morning. For at least the fifth time someone assumed I was his parent. I usually don't say anything because I don't want to get into explaining how he is homeschooled and that is why he is out of school and all the other questions. But today I wished that someday I would have a child and get to spend a morning just talking to them like I do with JJ. Then at work two people found out I had plans to leave (again.) As they joked about how often I've left and come back, the frustration from the morning came back. I want people to think well of me, but this decision means changing plans yet again. I want to explain, but words fail me. So I let them think what they want and admit that I don't know what I'm doing.
All it took was a few words that showed up on my facebook. "I've felt the same way." It wasn't regarding discerning religious vocation, but just about general conversion of your life. Sometimes it is reassuring to know I am not alone. To know that I am not crazy for basing my life on my Faith. And how wonderful it is to have a God who knows this need in my heart and fulfills it before I even ask!
Pax Christi!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Pushed and Prodded
“Jesus does not leave you where He finds you. He may come to you and throw his arms around you but then pretty soon He starts probing you. And pushing you and saying, ‘You can’t stay here. If you stay here, you’ll die.’ He always does that.”
—
David Hughes
This pretty much sums up my lent, or to be more accurate, my time since the youth retreat I went on in February. Every time I take a step closer to Him, I am content to stay at that place for a while. But He wants so much more for me. I find myself nudged along, inspired in prayer to change this or that. I think, "Okay, in a month or so, I'll get on that." But no, He convinces me of the urgency of the matter and so I take another step closer to Him.
This process is encouraging, for I know He cares about me more than I care for myself. I know He has a plan greater than this world. Somedays it is tiring, I do not want to move forward, but this lent has possible been the most fruitful lent of my life. So I am grateful.
Pax Christi!
—
David Hughes
This pretty much sums up my lent, or to be more accurate, my time since the youth retreat I went on in February. Every time I take a step closer to Him, I am content to stay at that place for a while. But He wants so much more for me. I find myself nudged along, inspired in prayer to change this or that. I think, "Okay, in a month or so, I'll get on that." But no, He convinces me of the urgency of the matter and so I take another step closer to Him.
This process is encouraging, for I know He cares about me more than I care for myself. I know He has a plan greater than this world. Somedays it is tiring, I do not want to move forward, but this lent has possible been the most fruitful lent of my life. So I am grateful.
Pax Christi!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Coffee
I like coffee. I never thought I would, but it has happened. I started drinking the bitter, gross liquid because I was greatly in need of caffeine. I tried to disguise the taste with cream and sugar, but still was not a fan of it. Today though as I brewed an extra pot to get me through homework this evening I realized I really do like the taste (after I add cream and sugar, I still don't drink it black).
I have a hard time explaining some of my choices to people recently. I don't think I've done a complete life style change in the past couple weeks, but my priorities have changed. There are some activities, movies, television shows, and the like that I am cutting out. I've been reading books that make me question every dollar I spend. Is this a necessary purchase? Can I sacrifice this and give the money to someone more in need? These aren't huge changes and some of the things aren't bad themselves. I've just changed what I spend my time doing.
But especially with my friends who don't know that I am discerning, or who don't understand it, I'm at a loss for how to explain why I'm changing my life around.
But today I realized I like coffee. The more you expose yourself to something, the more it impacts your thoughts. I've decided that the books I read and shows I watch need to support my faith. Otherwise I'm risking an eventual undermining of my beliefs and values.
Pax Christi!
I have a hard time explaining some of my choices to people recently. I don't think I've done a complete life style change in the past couple weeks, but my priorities have changed. There are some activities, movies, television shows, and the like that I am cutting out. I've been reading books that make me question every dollar I spend. Is this a necessary purchase? Can I sacrifice this and give the money to someone more in need? These aren't huge changes and some of the things aren't bad themselves. I've just changed what I spend my time doing.
But especially with my friends who don't know that I am discerning, or who don't understand it, I'm at a loss for how to explain why I'm changing my life around.
But today I realized I like coffee. The more you expose yourself to something, the more it impacts your thoughts. I've decided that the books I read and shows I watch need to support my faith. Otherwise I'm risking an eventual undermining of my beliefs and values.
Pax Christi!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Two Dollars
The more I read about other countries, the more disgusted I get with my own and with myself. I just finished a book called Little Princes about children in Nepal who were trafficked and the efforts being made to find their families. (As as side note, it is a wonderfully written book and a beautiful story!) Before that I read the story of Immaculee. I've heard the numbers from countless speakers at church asking for support from our parish. I volunteered in an orphanage in Jamaica where the children ate 1 simple meal a day and owned nothing for themselves. Their clothes and beds, everything was shared. In most other countries people live on $2 a day. I spent that much on a snack tonight! In many countries, adequate clothing means a pair of shoes and maybe two outfits. I just brought home a huge bag of new clothes today. In countless other countries, children don't reach their 20th birthday because of malnutrition and simple diseases. I'm almost 20 and have never gone hungry.
I haven't decided what I am doing, what I can do. I know life in a community will necessitate a simpler life, if that is where God leads me. But what about now? Why does this disparity even exist? It is disgusting. Working at a fast food place I see so many people eating to the point that it is a health risk. And children die every day from a lack of food...
My mind is blown right now. I just ask that you would pray for the people in our country to wake up. That they would find joy in giving to those in need instead of seeking momentary pleasure in materialism.
Pax Christi!
I haven't decided what I am doing, what I can do. I know life in a community will necessitate a simpler life, if that is where God leads me. But what about now? Why does this disparity even exist? It is disgusting. Working at a fast food place I see so many people eating to the point that it is a health risk. And children die every day from a lack of food...
My mind is blown right now. I just ask that you would pray for the people in our country to wake up. That they would find joy in giving to those in need instead of seeking momentary pleasure in materialism.
Pax Christi!
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