Love Letters

I finished my application. It has been almost finished for almost two weeks now and I haven't had the courage to take the final step- copy my letter asking for permission to visit. Tomorrow it goes in the mail. I feel so strange now. I'm still waiting, hoping and praying. It is a combination of chaos and peace. I'm not at rest but the reasons I'm not at rest are all superficial, the pull of the world and my sinful nature. I know as certain as I can be that applying was the right step.

But to the point of this post. I pulled out my box of letters tonight. These are letters starting from 2 and a half years ago when I did service corps (volunteering at the place I am now hoping to visit and maybe even enter). There are notes from my family, the people I lived with, and any other letters I've received that I wanted to keep. I don't often look at these letters anymore. I found that looking back kept me from living in the present, so I put them away. Now I'm worrying too much about the future so I thought a look in the past would put everything in perspective.
As I opened the box and glanced through I thought to myself, "I wish I had love letters from Him." I know that some people regard the Bible or other spiritual books as love letters, but I was longing for something more personal in that moment. Something meant for me and me alone. I sighed and turned back to the box. The first letter I read was written in adoration; my friend began by telling me that she was not responsible for the words, He was. Another mentioned how much God had been working in my heart that summer and I couldn't see it. Two thanked me for things I didn't know I did, things He did through me. I read ten letters or so and was completely blown away. Because He did write me love letters. He wrote them through the words of my friends. He wrote them with all the moments of friendship we shared- the giggles, the tears, the jokes, the whispered conversations, the songs. He wrote them over the course of the past 34 months, knowing that tonight I would be open to and appreciate His gesture of love. I've read these letters before but didn't see Him as clearly as I do tonight.

And all I can think is that this is Holy Week, the commemoration of three great acts of love Jesus performed for us: the institution of the Eucharist, His dying on the cross and His opening of Heaven to us. But He went beyond that to make me smile tonight with this little act of love. I am blown away!

Pax Christi!