Frustration

So Jesus is amazing! I was just sitting down to write a post and the only thing that came to my mind was frustration. Somedays I do not want to live the life He has planned. Keeping my job, finishing college, getting married and raising a family is a more "normal" experience. People will understand that. No, instead He has to call me now to leave college and my job for the unknown. I might be back 6 weeks later and in the same place, only having fallen behind and looking like a fool. It is a choice I can barely explain to my family and yet it really does feel like the right one.
Today my plans for the next couple months at least really felt heavy, like a physical weight on my shoulders. It started with babysitting JJ (an adorable little boy) this morning. For at least the fifth time someone assumed I was his parent. I usually don't say anything because I don't want to get into explaining how he is homeschooled and that is why he is out of school and all the other questions. But today I wished that someday I would have a child and get to spend a morning just talking to them like I do with JJ. Then at work two people found out I had plans to leave (again.) As they joked about how often I've left and come back, the frustration from the morning came back. I want people to think well of me, but this decision means changing plans yet again. I want to explain, but words fail me. So I let them think what they want and admit that I don't know what I'm doing.
All it took was a few words that showed up on my facebook. "I've felt the same way." It wasn't regarding discerning religious vocation, but just about general conversion of your life. Sometimes it is reassuring to know I am not alone. To know that I am not crazy for basing my life on my Faith. And how wonderful it is to have a God who knows this need in my heart and fulfills it before I even ask!

Pax Christi!