Last night, I was thinking about the people I wish were still a part of my life. There are three significant loved ones who are gone. I don't mean they all died, it was different circumstances for each of them. But now, when I think of one loss the others come to mind as well. I wonder what my life would be like if they were still around, I wonder how those relationships would have changed over time. I wonder if I would be the person I am now with them still here.
God sent me each of those people, this I am certain of. The first was my dad- my memories of him are dim and few, but I know he loved me. From him I knew a father's love. When he was gone, I turned to God to receive the same type of love.
The next person helped me through my early teens. He understood my desire to become a religious and fully supported me. He treated me like an adult, when I was stuck between the world of children and the world of adults. Since then I've learned to talk to God the way I talked to him. God truly understands the desires of my heart.
Lastly, I was given a best friend who pushed me to become a saint. We spend hours talking about saints and heaven. He helped me through the worst summer of my life, keeping me from despairing of God's love. After that summer though, I no longer needed that kind of support, this aspect of our friendship faded away... It was replaced by my own renewed desire to grow closer to God.
I believe that each person God places in our lives, even for just a moment is there for a reason. I miss these people dreadfully at times, but their influence in my life is not gone. It is because of them that I am this specific point in my discernment. Without any of them I doubt I would be going to visit a convent this weekend. So as I prepare for this weekend, fighting with nerves and packing, I'll be thinking not only of these people, but everyone who has brought me to this point on my spiritual journey.
Pax Christi!
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